Reunion: A Conclusion 

I’ve been silent a long time. Maybe because I have been contemplating what reunion is and what it isn’t. I’ve have gone through many grieving periods of the many losses that adoption and reunion brings. I have finally come to a place where I’m okay and I truly want to strive for happiness in the remainder of my days. I will still have that feeling of sadness. I just choose not to focus on it anymore. 

When I found my daughter I went through many years of discovery. I regained memories that had been pushed out for a long time and was plunged deep into the grief that losing ones baby brings. I did my best at trying to build a friendship with her but was not successful. 

And that’s okay.

It is okay that one adult does not want to have a relationship with another adult. I could probably analyze my behavior, her behavior, her upbringing, etc until I draw my last breath. 

It won’t change that she doesn’t want to know me. 

So, over my silent period, I have chosen to stop the crazy making of the analysis. I send a birthday message and if she responds, she does. If she doesn’t, she doesn’t. 

I think that reunion, for me, was more of a reunion between who I should have been and who I had become. It was a reunion of myself. I have worked hard to crawl out of the depression and hopelessness.  I work every day to focus on what I do have and the love that I get from those who do want me in their life. I don’t want to waste the last half of my life dwelling on my trauma and what I don’t have. I want to feel and experience joy during my final years. We get one life and one shot at happiness. I’m going to grab what I can.