And so here it is. I had finally gotten to a point of being “ok” with the silence between my daughter and I. When I say “ok” I mean no longer writhing in pain from separation and silence. Then WHAM! Its like being hit with a semi truck full of pain. One picture…that’s all it took. It appears I am going to join the un-grandmother club now too. I was not told. The writing is on the wall, I will not be allowed to love and know my grandbaby now either. Im guessing from the picture this will happen in the next 3-4 months. I’m just so tired of losing. When will it end?

Funny that my mother and sister were complaining recently of us “wanting our cake and eating it too”. I’ve been served up a big slice of my incubator cake and I can tell you its fucking hard to swallow.


6 thoughts on “Never-ending

      • I am so sorry for what you must be going through…is there any way you can try to connect with your grandchild and daughter or do you feel you have been shut out for good?

      • I have been giving her “space” for the last three years. We haven’t seen each other since she was four days old. She was ready three years ago but her amom told her to meet with her paternal grandparents instead. She did and apparently became upset from that meeting and cut me off. I received three responses last year and one this year.

      • I am familiar with someone who had the exact same thing happen with meeting the paternal grandparents first. Has your daughter said anything about why? It seems to me that she is being very unfair with you, if she’s going on someone else’s opinion of you instead of developing her own…

  1. I’m so sorry…my daughter who is 15 has recently told me she wants no contact with me until she is 18. (she says she may change her mind later??) Our relationship has likely forever been damaged because she is being taught to think of me as the enemy. This is likely what happened to your daughter. It is outright psychological abuse to raise a child to have contempt for their own mother, whether they do it subtly or not so subtle, intentional or unintentional. It makes no difference, they are being damaged. It is abuse.

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