Letter to E, Formally Known as A

Dear E,
It has been 9 months since I have heard from you. I sent you a card for your birthday, yesterday. I kept my distance and sent it by email as you’ve requested. I wonder if you got it. I wonder what you think and feel when you see a message or email from me. Does it make you happy, angry, sad or do you just feel nothing? I am sorry if adoption has hurt you, it has hurt me too. I am doing much better in the past year. I think I have gotten through the worst of my grieving the loss of my baby and then the loss of you, my adult daughter, and the time we lost and still lose. I am not the person I was post adoption and prereunion. I’m someone new. Would you like to know me? I would love to know you. I miss you but I have let go of what I have no control over. I am always willing to accept you and what you can give. The door will never close to you. I won’t chase you anymore or be an emotional doormat. I deserve to be treated kindly and with respect as I have done for you.
I hope your birthday was good. This year I didn’t cry for you or me. It just was and is passed now. I am stronger.

Love,
Mom

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