Yippee! LOOK it’s My Favorite Time of Year

Well, I had been in touch with a fellow mother over the last week and even this weekend. The two of us share the same birth month of our surrendered children. I had been bravely optimistic that THIS year I had it all figured out and THIS year I was not going to hit that same terrible funk that I always do……

Today is October 1st. Today in the shower, I cried. Today on the way to work, I cried. I had worked so hard all year to put everything back into the closet and to shut off my feelings. I really wanted and NEEDED to be able to stop having my emotional, month long, breakdown. I want to have a NORMAL life where the birth month of your child does not make you have irrational depression. I often wonder if mothers who have a REAL and FULL reunion with thier child still get the same severity of depression during the birth month. Of course, this is something that I wouldn’t know since my daughter is silent with me.

So yes, my fellow mothers of adoption loss, I have been silent still because there is nothing to tell. I write, she ignores. I beleive she reads what I write and often times I wonder what goes through her mind when she chooses not to respond. I wonder if she reads it and then thinks I am an idiot for continuing to try or if she reads it and is still trying to process where to fit me in and chooses not to respond because she still doesn’t know.

This is turning into a bi-annual update. I will attempt to write with a bit more regularity.

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4 thoughts on “Yippee! LOOK it’s My Favorite Time of Year

  1. I hope October goes by quickly for you. My month is May, this last May was the third one since being reunited with my son, and it’s the first one that the month was not spent in the “birthday funk”. I hope that one day soon your daughter will want to reach out and accept the love you have for her.

    • Thanks Susie, I have worked on accepting that this may not happen. I have been doing very well at not being a basket case waiting, hoping, praying, etc. that one day it may all change. I have actually come to terms with all of this over the last year. I think this may be why I am so shocked at my emotional breakdown today. I thought I finally had it all under control and that acceptance meant not going through the greiving every October. I guess I was wrong.

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