Fast-Track to Sainthood-Adoption

I have been pondering my ex-mil and the things she did to get me to surrender my daughter a lot lately. I often wonder how she can live with herself knowing the lies, deception and the scope of irreparable pain she has caused. I marvel at how she can call herself a Christian. Most of this has been brought on by a post in an adoption group I read where the poster stated that she was the grandmother of a child who was surrendered for adoption. She talked about how proud she was of this fact and this really got me thinking about where a person considers this to be moral. It is obvious that she had some part to play in the surrender of her grandchild.

As I have been pondering this, it did come to light that most adopters, agencies, etc all consider adoption to be “saving” the child and that somehow it makes them into a martyr and more of a  “Christian” that they took this child into their home and raised it as their own. There are so many problems with this way of thinking.

The first problem that I find with this, is that no one wants to recognise that adoption is purely and utterly covetous and greedy. Adopters (infant adopters) do not take in the older children who are in need of a safe home. Instead, they want to pretend they gave birth by robbing a mother of her infant, nowadays they also pump chemicals into their body so they can shove their strange boob into this poor baby’s mouth too. YES, I did mean strange boob, this is not the baby’s natural mother whose milk and nipples are designed specifically for this child. Their WANT of a child to be theirs supercedes any moral judgement to get what they want.

The next problem is that even in this day and age, an “unwed” mother is considered a detriment to society and must be a whore/slut, addict, too young and is definitely not considered a “fit” mother. Therefore the deserving “married” couple should rescue this child from such an unsavory life. WHOA, what? MOST expectant mothers targeted for the adoption industry have never been charged with ANY crime, much less drug/child abuse. This leads me to the conclusion that this must be a conviction in the “church” world. In order to save the young mother from hell fire she must atone for her crime of adultery. So truly the adopters must be doing her a favor by inflicting her righteous punishment…right? Sorry people but NO. You are now a conspirator of the crime of kidnapping/child trafficking. Remember that JESUS said to help the widow and the fatherless? He never said help YOURSELF to them.

Anyways, I will regress back to my ex-mil. I think she offered up my daughter for sale to achieve sainthood. I believe she must think that separating me from my first-born daughter was the way that she would look good in the eyes of her church and atone for her son’s wayward ways. She punished the evil slut, who got pregnant, in a righteous manner and has now achieved her place as a saint for saving us all from hell. I think most of them believe this. They don’t realize that they CONDEMNED us all to a life of hell by their actions to obtain that special recognition for themselves that they COVETED (remember that pesky tenth commandment? NOT suggestion, COMMANDMENT) from other churchians, their earthly sainthood. We were the sacrificial lambs they led to the slaughter.

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23 Christmas’s

This year will mark the 23rd Christmas without a part of my family. Holidays and anniversaries are always such a difficult time with those of us who lost in adoption. My surrendered daughter is now married (as of November) and will soon begin her own family. I reactivated my facebook account just to sneak a peak and see if she had. Yes, it was like a knife in my heart to see she did indeed get married and had not emailed me to share her good news. So, as usual, this revelation had me spinning back down that damn dark adoption hole again and I am so glad I have learned to not send any messages while I am in this state. Instead, I wrote out my long email to her blurting out all of the thigns she does not want the hear, like what truly happened to me when she was surrendered. I was so disappointed when I asked for opinions from my precious adoptee friends and other natural moms. They all told me not to send it which truthfully I knew they would. I am so thankful for all of them. It allowed me to vent what I want to say to her to try to make her understand why she was adopted. I knew this letter would never be sent but damn did I want to. There is one adoptee who responded to me and I was really set back into reality. Her words to me were very kind but she stated that in reading my email it was like reading something from someone much younger than I am. This really has me thinking. I have heard numerous times that often the mother will regress back to the time of surrender in reunion. Is this what I’ve done? It has really thrown me back to make me analyze my words, writing and actions and how they can be construed by my daughter. I am glad I have taken a mile long step back at this point since hearing those words. I think my hurt and traumatized 15 year old me needs to grow up before I can be expected to be in a grown up relationship. I have never recognised this before as I have always felt I was acting like an adult. I guess sometimes it takes someone from the outside to tell you before you can fix it.

Happy holidays to all my wonderful adoptee and natural mother friends. I hope for a near painless holiday season for you all. You have all been my rock when I needed one.