I have been quiet for about a month now. I have been trying to sort through my feelings and processing the information regarding my own daughters adoption 22 years earlier. I needed to step away from my own story for a bit. I still haven’t retained all of my memories from that time. Maybe my subconscious knows that I have enough truth to deal with at this time and won’t release it until I can handle it.
I have been in an email reunion with my daughter for 3 years and the anniversary of us becoming Facebook friends is quickly approaching. In fact it is on the 22nd of this month. I have been feeling very down for over a month and that is what prompted me to look and see if there was some sort of anniversary that would cause this. It’s strange that almost all of my friends who lost children through adoption have this same issue. We all seem to have very strong reactions, even subconsciously, to anniversaries regarding anything to do with our lost children. Birthday’s are one of the worst for ALL of us, Mother’s Day, other holidays, anniversary of reunion all have such a powerful effect on us. I wonder if there is ever a time when any of us will be healed.
I was watching Dateline last night. There was a poor woman who was on there who was severely abused and raped by church members. She became pregnant and the pastor arranged an adoption for her child. I was so angry at the interviewer who said that she “gave up” her child. I was thinking the whole time “Didn’t you hear her? She didn’t GIVE HIM UP!” They, the church, MADE her give the baby to what they deemed a more appropriate/worthy family. I want to reach out to this young woman and see how she feels. I mean really feels about her child being forced from her. I know mothers who conceived through rape and they have all stated that rape was nothing compared to the trauma of losing their child to adoption. Maybe the child was the universe’s reconciliation for the rape…who knows…I ramble.
Ramblings with a Dash of Adoption by vampporcupine is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at canadianbanishedmother.wordpress.com.