As I get older, the enormity of the “have not’s” weigh heavily on me. I will never have the daughters love from my first-born child, I have lost out on the memories of the crazy and funny stories of her childhood. I will never have memories of comforting her when she was hurt, nor of nursing her as a baby. My other two daughters have not grown up with an older sister to gossip with, fight with and to get into mischief with. They will never know the love of a big sister. I will not be the mother of the bride as my daughter gets married this fall nor will I be in attendance. I will not be by her side as my grandchildren are born into this world as my descendents will be lost to me. Adoption has robbed me of all this.